Safety in meeting online is very similiar to meeting someone in the 'real world', in a pub or on a train. When you first meet
someone brand new you don't jump straight into a relationship with them do you? Until you've known them a while and learnt
more about them, what they like, how they react in different situations you don't go back to their place, you don't lend them money,
you don't expect to live with them 'happily every after' do you?
It is similiar with meeting someone online but it is even more difficult to learn about someone. Online, people are only who they say
they are and can really be anyone, of any age, anywhere and of any gender. Chatting with someone online can create unrealistic expectations;
you can see them for what you want them to be, not for what they really are.
Stay anonymous
- You don't tell a stranger in a pub everything about you the first time you meet do you?
- Email using Contravene's email service at first so they don't know your email
- Make sure your email signature is not in your emails
- Don't give away things that could identify you such as your last name, homepage, address, phone number, where you work or go to university
- Different things said in separate converations can be used together to identify you, for example sports club and your first name
- Don't give out your main home or work email address, use an anonymous and free Gmail, Hotmal or Yahoo! account, open a new one if you have to
Contravene messages
- Contacting someone via Contravene lets you block them if you don't want to hear from them again
- Sending emails via Contravene means your real email address is not given away
- All email addresses contain the IP address of the computer sending it, this information can't easily be used to locate you but it might supply information like your ISP or home town
Email
- When you're ready to make direct contact outside Contravene use an anonymous and free Gmail, Hotmal or Yahoo! account instead of your home or work email address
- Remember the IP address of your computer is sent with your email
Chat online
- If an email conversation is too slow try instant messaging
- Try a free service like MSN, Skype or Yahoo!
- Continue to use your anonymous email not your home or work address
Making that phone call
- After emailing and chatting online perhaps it's time to chat on the phone
- If you're going to give out your phone number remember this can identify you
- If you're calling does your phone send out caller id? Does your telephone company let you block your caller id?
- Calling from a mobile might be more anonymous
- Any phone you call may have caller id switched on and might be able to call you back even if you don't give out your number
Photo
- Before meeting someone check out their photo
- Request photos of the person
- Are there different photos?
- Do the photos look too good to be true
- Are the photos 'stock' images from photo libraries, professional shots or home snaps
- Are the photos recent?
Meet when you want to
- Don't feel pressured to meet someone
- Meet someone when you are ready to meet them
- You don't have to meet someone just because they want to meet you
Meet in safe place
- When first meeting someone meet them in a safe place
- Do NOT meet at your place
- Do NOT drink or partake in any other risky behaviour
- Be careful eating spaghetti :-)
- Take your mobile phone, cell phone
- Is the place well lit?
- Do you know the place well?
- If you need to leave, or even escape, do you know the best way out?
- Let someone know where you're going, you don't have to say you're on a date, just 'going to the mall, be back at 2' will do
Take a friend along
- Going a step further than telling someone where you're going take them with you
- They don't have to sit at the same table, they can be nearby
- Have a friend call you during the date, agree on a safety word to use if you need help
- Have a friend call you during the date also lets you escape if the date is going downhill quickly
Money questions
- If someone asks you for money be highly suspicious
- They may not directly 'ask' you for money but entice you to offer them money
- Rule of thumb: if money comes into the equation, get out of there
Travelling
- Are you travelling to meet someone?
- How will you get there, have you been there before?
- Are you totally dependent on them?
- Make your own travel plans, book your own accomodation
Do what you do in the real world
- Always think 'would I usually do this'
- Meeting someone online and chatting you can build them up to your ideal match, not their reality
- Do find out what you can about them, perhaps even run a criminal or credit search
Scams and bad people in real world
- Scams, theft, identify theft, con artists all happen in the real world, they also happen online
- Bad guys will try to take advantage of lonely, gullible, greedy and normal people online
- Bad guys don't always ask for something or rip you off in the first contact
- A long term correspondence online may lead you to think 'I really know this person', they'll build trust then rip you off
- They may not just ask for something but over many contacts lead you to offer them what they want
How do you spot 'fake' profiles, bad guys and con artists?
Look for things like some of these
- Near empty profile
- Glamour photo
- Poor grammar or spelling
- Poor layout - all one sentence
- Gives email address on first contact
- Asks for contact via MSN yahoo early
- Smiles and profile gone within 1 hour
- Young girl looking for older guy
- Young guy looking for older lady
- The word 'structure' being used
- 'God fearing' being used
- My friend found someone here
- Stuck overseas and need money to get home
- I am a model
- I live in another country
- I've never been married before
- Is from a town & state at the top of the alphabet (Airport West, Airlie Island, Albany ACT)
- IP address says from different area to which they say they are
- I am educated with high goals, morals, and integrity
- Alone since my boyfriend died
- My parents are dead killed in a car accident in Paris
- From Christmas Island, for a population of 2000 most of them seem to contact me!
- I have transferred your profile
- I live in [country name] but am just on a mission because of my job as medical doctor and will be coming home soon
Of course someone that says one or more of the above is not necessarily fake but may be a difference in language or culture
Trust your yourself, trust your gut instincts
- Above all, trust your instincts
- If it's too good to be true it probably is
- You don't HAVE to meet some one
- If you do meet someone, meet them on your terms
Scam information and examples of scams
The following are links to external sites, procede at your own risk:
Australian Competition & Consumer Commission - Dating & romance scams
Examples
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